he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My vagina is very pro this idea
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