yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
