Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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