he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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