im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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