You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
