So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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