I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
