There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
