so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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