Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
