coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
