Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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