No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You've changed since you got that strap on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
