all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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