guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
