You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
