sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
