Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
