Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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