I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
