what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
