At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
