I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
