Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
