weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
