yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
