i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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