if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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