his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
