my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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