Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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