I want to make a zoo with you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His nipple licking is glorious
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