I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
