I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
