it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
