Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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