If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
