uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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