Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
