those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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