I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
