This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
