we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
