yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
