You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
