That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
