i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
