I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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