R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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