I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
