The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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